I Want To Find You
by Galerians
Summary: She holds dear of her every memory with him, but they are forcefully parted. Will she finds him again? Or shall he finds her first? Eternally together or parted forever, their destiny lies on their hand. Once again, Fate shall prove its existence.
1. Chapter 1

My first contribution to Clannad section! Woo hoo!!

I was wondering just how popular or unpopular this pairing was, and this story popped in my brain. But don't take me wrong, I put QUITE seriousness in this one. And don't be surprised if you who already played the game to find my fic's story being a little different from the original, because I haven't played it, and it's just my hobby to make something to fit my taste. Please don't sue me. Anyway, please enjoy!!

•••

**Good Bye**

We met in classroom, when the sky was dyed bloody red and the class bathed in crimson shine. I was busy carving a starfish from wood with a small knife, but he suddenly halted my work. I stood up to confront the boy, but somehow I didn't sense any hostility, but anxiety instead. He held my hands, which surprisingly were full of bleeding little cuts. Noting that I was hurting myself with the knife, he confiscated it.

I waited in the same classroom the next day, without any activity because the tool to carve my starfish was gone. When the same guy came again, I quickly took a defensive stance, ready for a brawl or anything he had in mind. But much to my surprise, he came not to bother me or anything, but to return the knife I used for wood carvings.

Since that time, I had started to take an interest towards him.

•

He helped me through many hardships, despite the cold treatment I showed him. He would smile, and continued to work without many words. He never complained, but also never told me his reason. I was confused, why did he want to help me so bad?

As time went on, I found myself to be always spending time with the blue haired guy. All students in my school said something about him being a delinquent, but I wondered, just how could they take an assumption like that? Given his usual behavior and attitude, he might not look like it, but he was actually a nice person. Well, maybe a little annoying and nosy, but he was alright. He was… pretty alright.

'Hard works are not without rewards', how those words had become true. My work had come into fruition, with his help, I succeeded. My 'mission' to make all people who received my starfishes to attend my sister's Kouko wedding, was a success. And it all thanks to him.

It was all because of him.

He gave me strength; he gave me the encouragement and comfort I needed to overcome this struggle. He knew, even without me doing or saying anything, what lay in my heart, he always knew. The moment my will began to falter, he would step in and revoked it once more. At the time my determination was about to crumble, he would step forward to rebuild it. When I started to fall into the dark abyss of darkness, he would show up with the light, stretching his hand and pulled me out. He was always able to find me, even in the most hidden place.

He meant so many. He meant _everything_ to me.

•

"Thanks…"

"Hey, don't mention it…"

"But I'm really grateful…"

"Don't be, Fuko. I did it out of my own will."

I approached him, who smiled at me with such tenderness it almost felt like a soothing gust. The sunshine might be warm, but when I reached out to his hands, I realized that it felt so much warmer. His grip was so, almost too gentle, and it made my heart feel all fuzzy and happy inside. My tears began to swell, as I felt my existence began to sway.

"Fuko?"

I leapt and hugged him. Wrapped my arms tight around his body and buried my face in his muscular chest. He smelled so nice, and his warmth felt so comforting. But I knew my time wasn't any longer, and I couldn't afford to not tell him now. I had to let him know my feeling.

"Tomoya… I…"

I couldn't continue. I didn't know why, but somehow I felt like if I told him, then it would be the end of our time… together. But I didn't want it; I wanted to savor all the feelings I felt whenever I was with him, be it happiness, anger, annoyance, or even sadness. I wanted to be always with him, to be always by his side.

I didn't mind even if all we would do is fighting, I didn't care even if we wouldn't end up together. I only wanted to be with him… no, even just always being able to see him would be fine. When he attending school, eating, drinking, walking, or even breathing. Every inch of me craved for him, for his presence, for his existence. But I… I…!!

"Fuko? Is something wrong?"

A glance to his face told me just how worried he was. Yes, I remembered, he was always like that. Even though, no one had ever tried to understand him and despite the fact that nobody had ever tried to care for him, he grew into a considerate person, who never mind helping people even if it means trouble for him, and he never asked anything in return. Like how he had helped me.

And I loved him for that.

"Fuko!"

"Eh…?"

"FUKO!! FUKOO!!"

Something in me suddenly shone, and then my body began to disintegrate slowly. I looked upward, to Tomoya whose face was now covered in fear. He tried desperately to maintain our embrace, but eventually stopped when he realized that he could no longer touch my body. His face contorted in sadness, as he screamed my names over and over again. A single tear fell from my eyes, as I whispered the last words to the only man I'll ever love.

"Goodbye, Tomoya…"

•••

Actually, I wanted to make this into an oneshot, but I decided to make it two shots in the end. And I have already made the other chapter, but… let's save it for later, 'kay? Give me any review you want, and if the review reached 2 or 3 or… gah, the more the faster I'll upload the ending! Well then, see ya, guys!


	2. Chapter 2

The first chapter is the past, so I used past tenses. But this one is in the present, and so I use matching tenses. Is it better this way?

I can understand why I only got one review, not that I disappointed, it just states that this pairing isn't that popular. But somehow, I liked this pairing more than the other, of course I also adore Kotomoya or Tomokyou. Want me to write with those pairings next time? Just say it in your review.

•••

**Hold Me**

I wake up in a room, all alone. Even the dim light of the room feels dazzling to my unused eyes. It feels awkward even to sit, like having a new brand body I have never used before. I can't remember the reason why I'm in… this white room. Where is this, after all? I don't recognize this room, or anything inside it, apparently. My ears spot almost no sound, and the darkness must have meant that it was already night time.

I slowly try to stand up, and clumsily walk to the nearby window. Clattering sounds on the glass arouse my curiosity, and so I pull the curtain. It is raining outside, falling so rapidly it almost like somebody has just poured the Earth with a huge capacity of water. Yet somehow, the cloud doesn't seem to cover the sky; I can even see the stars twinkling up there. The starlight is so beautiful, and the sky, despite the rain, is so blue—

Blue…?

"Auh…!"

Something snaps in my head; it hurts so badly like I've been stabbed by countless needles. Just like my other limbs, my mouth doesn't seem to function well, as I can only let out weak groan and moan to express the pain.

My memory is pretty vague it almost impossible to remember anything by now, but the word 'blue' perked something in it. A figure formed in my mind, and it becomes clearer and clearer. A blue haired boy, and same colored orbs, smiled tenderly at me.

I know that guy, but I can't remember who he is! Even though he looks so familiar, I… can't…!

"To… mo… ya…"

My mouth dried up, my throat choked; all of my body is shivering from the sudden revelation, even if the room has been warm. It scares me, but a longing feeling in my chest isn't becoming any lighter, instead, it grows in both size and weight. The name is currently unknown to me, but very, so, too familiar. I realized, my mouth is so accustomed to say that name it came out automatically, my heart hurts so much. It is unbearable.

I stormed out of the building, ignoring several screams and yells from nurses and doctors alike. Rushing towards the dark road of night, I don't even care just how soaked my body is now. The night is cold and quiet altogether; no one will be walking in such weather. I know it, but I keep on running, like my life is on the line.

I try to say the name again, but failed futilely. I don't understand why, but that word holds so much meaning for me, it serves almost like a shoulder to hold on, an arm to grab tight, and a body to lean peacefully. I want to find the man of which the name belongs to, I have to find him!

•

My mouth pants heavily, like it is the first time I've ever breathed before. Running isn't really fit my petite body, but I keep doing it despite the exhaustion. My shoeless feet stomp the cold asphalt, and the clumsiness I still have from before make me tripped and even tumbling almost every ten steps.

But I don't give up searching. I won't give up searching.

Eventually, I arrive at a hill, a big building is visible at the top of it, though it blurred by the pouring of rain that slurred every sound in the city. I gaze upward, and begin to walk forward.

If only there was any strength left in me, I would have gone all the way to the top. But because there is no more, I can only fall into my knee halfway through, sobbing in pain like a little child.

I've searched almost every corners of this little town, but I still cannot find him. This place is the last on the list, and if he isn't here also, what am I going to do? I can't help but to cry at the thoughts of not finding him. I can't bear it, I missed him so much it hurts my heart in every seconds. The tears feel warm on my cheeks, but it is not enough to heal my almost-frozen body.

"To… mo… ya…"

I managed to utter it once more, as my tongue and mouth finally become accustomed at the word. Between my loud sobs, I keep calling his name.

"To… moya… Tomoya…"

I want to find him, I want to meet him. I want to see his face once more; I want to embrace his body once again. I want to be given the chance to love him, even if just one more time.

"Tomoya…!"

My calling for him has escalated into a scream, muffled by the rain's noise, swallowed by the darkness of the night.

"Tomoya!!"

I cannot survive without his presence. I cannot live without him.

"TOMOYA!!"

I keep sobbing, shivering greatly due to the cold temperature. My vision begins to blur, as the cold finally reached the deepest core of my body, weakening it to the worst state. There is no heat whatsoever left in my flesh, and with this, I shall finally disappear from this world as my body fall entirely to the ground.

I begin to close my eyelids. I must admit, I have failed to find him.

•

"Fu… o…"

I don't open my eyes, but I can feel two hands wrapped my petite body, bringing back its warm.

"Fuko…" the grip becomes tighter, and the warmth those hands contained begin to pierce my ice-cold body. "Come back to me, Fuko…"

Whoever the person is, that voice is terribly familiar to my ears, and my heart twitched at every word he said. The guy proceed with his action, now taking all my body into his embrace, completely covered me in a fuzzy but warm feeling all over. I noticed that other than the cold droplets of the rain, something else is also falling into my face. And it feels… warm.

"Please, Fuko. Don't leave me, please come back…" the whisper is slightly slurred, as if it was a sob. "No… don't do this… Fuko. Please…"

Finally I realized it, how can I ever forget? This voice, it is not only familiar, but also the voice I've longed for even before I woke up in that hospital. This warmth, this smell, this muscular body, I recognized it. There is only one man in the world who has this feature.

"To… moya…"

"Fuko…?" he looked right into my eyes, and the next thing I know is that the hug becomes tighter than it ever was. "Fuko…!!"

"Tomoya… why are you crying…?"

"It's because I thought I've lost you…" he buried his face into my shoulder to muffle his sobs. "Please, don't ever scare me like that again. I don't know what I would do if I ever lost you…"

"Tomoya…"

"This time, I will look after you. I will care for you, I will protect you. I will never leave you." he gazed right into my eyes. "I love you, so please, don't leave me again. Don't ever say 'goodbye' again."

Even though his face is completely soaked by the rain, I know he was crying, and I think I know his reasons. Is it okay for me to think like that? Is it okay for me to hope for it? To hope… for his affection?

"Tomoya…" I whispered softly to his ear. "Help me stand up…"

He quickly obligate without much questions or words, as always. His grip's strong, but it is on the gentlest way possible. And even though I've already stood up steadily, he keeps his hands on my hip, as if he still scared of losing me.

"Fuko…?" he called with worry, as I gaze upward to his face which drenched by the rain. He may look messy, but nevertheless, he is the most handsome man I've ever met. And I'll always think of him like that. "Fuko, are you sick? Or… are you cold? Do you want something warm?"

"Yes, I do…" with that, I lean forward and hug him tight. Burying my face in the depth if his chest's muscles. As always, it feels so comfortable. He is the only person in the world that can make me feel safe just by having him close. "Only this… will be enough…"

Even by the coldness of the rain, I can certainly feel my body warmth back. Like it is being radiated from the man I embraced. We keep hugging until unknown time, without any words. But it's okay; we have never needed words to express our feeling to begin with. A simplest smile, a slightest gaze, or even a softest touch can serve as many, many meaning.

I want to find him, but now I realized, it is _him _who is always able to find me. He is my man, he is my protector.

"Tomoya…"

"Yes?"

"I love you…"

With that sentence, I tiptoe. Wrapping my hands around his neck and pulling him closer, our lips meet in the gentlest way possible. I tightened my grip on his neck, and begin to crumple his crown. It may appear to be clumsy at first, but he directed and showed me the way with such gentleness. All worry and fear my heart have felt, are being erased away by the pleasure, the happiness of knowing that he also love me.

He is my _lover_, and I know it will keep that way. Forever.

•••

The end, or it should be that way. Sorry for the shortness of the story, but I SUCK when it comes to long one. Let's just say I've got more confidence if the fic isn't so long, shall we? Thanks for reading, or for reviewing if you do it. Please stay tuned, maybe I will make more, who knows?


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